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July 29 很长的一天好累,本来打算睡到正常时间的。结果最近以为老等找工作的答复,电话都不敢关声音。早上朋友J 10点打==我没理,后来他有send msg给我==后来他说过来找我。忽然就从10点一直睡不著可是又不想起来。很痛苦的混到12点,我妈妈又来探望我,我决定继续睡觉。最后2点多的时候朋友J杀到门口,和我妈开始谈话,因为我有裸睡的习惯,而这家伙绝对会直接进来我房间,实在没办法了只好起来。还是很累。他前几天被他妈妈袭击,听说是用industrial size剪刀飞过来。把手指的肉都切了一块下来,而且血喷得到处都是。而且朋友最近十分认真读书。而且从很多很多年前的一个喜欢乱花钱的大少爷,变成了半个老头子似的。
和他吃了饭以后,开了很远的路,跑去探望一个病了的小家伙。结果那人居然奇迹般地好了==而且还让我等了老半天,在pub消磨了半小时。喝著一点都不喜欢的啤酒,看著好像永远都不会结束的赛马。好像时间过得挺快的,原来还一个活蹦乱跳的小孩,现在好像都是半个大人了。
回到city,和朋友J吃饭,朋友K也在。我们继续教育朋友J做人要脚踏实地。再看看另外那个朋友,好像他也变了很多。哪年每天徘徊galaxy world的日子,怎么也不会想到现在眼前这个穿business shirt的IT上班族。
一个人走去看话剧的路上,见到朋友D。他,靠,本来想继续感慨身边人的变化,他根本没变。虽然大学就快毕业了,还是当年在中学那个老被我欺负的样子==。没办法,世界上或许真有不会改变的东西。不过他最近也在为移民的事情奔波。
和朋友H看了话剧。结果因为她的迟到,我在门口吸了两根烟。说到朋友H,嗯不想说下去,太多东西说了,不过也算基本上没什么变化的=。=
说说话剧。总的来说,其实,应该可以更好要点。不过或许我要求太高了。如果去年truman capote的角色能获得最佳奥斯卡男演员,Simon也应该有这个资格。至于SK,他根本就是他演的那个人。我都忘记他原来什么样子了。觉得一切都在被他带动著,开始出场感觉的喜剧效果很快就被他的melodramatic instinct给冲淡了。只能说,靠,SK真的很厉害(就算我不认识他也会这么说的哦)。当然还有那个潦倒的失业男,盛气凌人的服务生。
至于不满意的地方,觉得片子被SK的破产给完全冲垮了,结果大家都忘记了主角其实不是他==,然后再回到主角的故事,到主角自杀,给人一种,靠,关我什么事,我要看SK复出的感觉。而且似乎很难感觉到最后女主角那种疲倦绝望的心情,所以也没能把整部话剧的central idea表达出来。还有自杀音乐的前奏有点,让人觉得,忽然会一群人跑出来跳舞然后说,哦不是这样的,这是部喜剧的感觉。
以上纯粹个人观点,本人对话剧没有什么基本认识,而且最近两天发现自己其实很害怕女主角(或许是她训惯了simon,所以对射手有本能的杀气),希望不会被她追杀==
完了以后和朋友H去喝了点东西。朋友H绝对是我心目中酒鬼的代名词==居然一口就解决了一个standard drink==还一脸不满足的样子。送她回家的路上被一个开著开了篷的mini cooper的女人超车,结冰的温度加上是深夜,居然还开篷。绝对是FF3看多了。
累死了去睡觉了。 July 27 反省昨晚莫名其妙的生了很大的气。没完Metal以后,虽然最近每天打拳,可是心里面总有些发泄不出来的东西。一直以为自己已经老了,对什么都感觉很麻木了。看来只是因为没人踩到我尾巴而已。每个人都有自己最脆弱的地方啊。不过最后弄得好像是我很小气似的,所以事情也就过去了。也非常抱歉打扰了不少人。虽然如此,在早上5点接到陌生男人从melbourne打来的电话,讲中文,还是觉得挺古怪的。应该能放进本年度Hydra十不可思议经历里面吧。
最近忽然不知道怎么的认识了很多人。而且是身边人没认识的人哦!好像发现新大陆一样,msn上居然又满了起来,好像还没明白情况,可是回到人类的世界总是幸福的。回到老问题上,我又在考虑戒烟。好像那东西真的很影响肺活量。继续吸下去的话,怎么努力也应该打不下四个round.更别考虑6到12的了。可是昨晚却得到不少关于我吸的烟的positive feed back,然后又觉得,是不坏的东西嘛,干什么要戒。。
这段时间常有创作的灵感,但少了创作的冲动。答应朋友的歌可能等他变成英国农民的时候都没写完。虽然很多idea,可是一想到写完要录下来就头疼。算了他也说自己over it already,所以没什么大不了的吧。
哦,最近家里应该会来人。或许会来,回变成很有趣的事情啊,各位密切留意哦。另外朋友昨晚打电话,说他被妈妈袭击了。还被飞来的剪刀弄得满手是血,看来我还是没接触过真正的暴力啊。
找工作第3天,没有结果,那agent好像把我的resume弄出去了,现在就得等回音了。
怎么样看来,最近生活好像比上半年好了很多,所以Jason又回到了后面,现在是Hydra的时代了。
明天看日出,回想昨天非礼了simon和忘记名字的中东美少年,嗯期待啊。。期待啊! 当然,最想看的还是老头子SK=P 午夜随笔最近出现很多怀疑我文采和中文水平的人,所以要随便写点东西*挖鼻子熊猫* PS写完以后觉得很村上,对此表示歉意== PSS本文纯属虚构,和现实没有任何关系,我最近几天心情忽然很好,写出这东西是因为现在冷得要命!
时间2点半。晚冬的阵阵寒意,让我身体麻木了。颤抖著吸著烟,身边徘徊著蓝色的雾。
那天下著雨,看著地上的桔子皮,我整夜没睡。呼吸声,风声,黑暗的沉默,在床头泛黄的油画上跳舞。
时针还在二和三之间挣扎,好不容易迈出了一步又开始摇晃的后退著。手指僵硬的按在冰冷的琴键上。顺著C minor走出了现在的心情。不知不觉的,迷失在chromatic scale的旋涡里面。
醒来的时候天已经亮了。虽然没有久违了的太阳,适当的光亮还是带来了安详。喝了口咖啡,坐在门口读著Plato的Symposiums Speech, 回忆昨晚隐约听见邻居的对话。一切忽然丧失了存在的真实感。前面的路也有点模糊了。
时间还在走动?我不太确定。手指还是冰冷的抚摸著琴键。时高时底的旋律,在脑海里编织著回忆的片段。在前面镜子的尽头,隐约的看见了神的身影。他没有笑。
车子在動,能很清晰的感觉到从崎岖路面带来的震荡,一种真实的感觉。或许我还活著,或许现在已经是永远?
钢琴声音静了下来,一阵喉咙沙哑的呻吟。时间好像是1点20。我起来,喝了口JIM BEAM,刺鼻的酒精一下冲进了身体。可是很快的暖意又离开了。只剩下更冰冷的躯体,默默的对著镜子。
不知道过了多久。车子停了下来。脚下已经没有公路的痕迹了。放眼望去,身边没有任何东西。地是红的,天是蓝的,什么也没有剩下来。我累了,坐在车旁,闭上了眼睛。 July 26 i woke upGot up, and realize, SORT YOUR LIFE OUT. Yes, i shouldnt be just sitting there whole day thinking about random stuff, i got a life to get on with, still want that lamboghini some day, yes. So i went out got some dinner, feeling alot better, yes i'm serious this time. Dinner was good, life is pretty good as well, the time is 9:21pm Resurrection...! July 25 StonedYes, you open the financial review, second page, you see a list of economic figures. 5% unemployment rate! thats right, back when i was in school i was taught unemployment is 5.7% and it can not be further reduce due to transitional factors, taking another look now... i sent out 20 resumes last night, around 3am in the morning, hoping that someone will get back to me sometime next month. And they've called me this morning 10am sharp... ergh this is crazy.
The best part is, I'm STONED. yes i am. i dont know why. But apparently all the drug u've taken a week ago will gradually get on to you... ergh i should've google it before. Dam. So basically i was sitting there half stoned, half asleep, trying to figure out something positive. And yes, i pull a SPUD. and let them know i want to show initiative. Well i'm going in to talk to them about this whole thing tomorrow, its some agency again. They sound quite keen tho, a bit too keen to be sure.
Anyway, i'm gonna just sit here and get all that drug out of my system by... listening to dance music!!
God, forgive me.... July 24 不问上升不看命盘都准得可怕的星座解释=+=‘
July 23 外面在下雨每天都被下雨的聲音吵醒﹐看見窗外的太陽。關門鳥一直在叫﹐還有烏鴉和很多從來沒見過的生物﹐藏在後面樹叢里。我的頭很疼﹐不知道為什麼。冬天的氣息已經不在了﹐身體還是感覺不到溫暖。在熱水裡面泡了20分鐘﹐才恢復知覺。吃早飯的時候﹐看著星期天的电视,觉得好像又活了过来。尽管始终还充满了疑问,但本能会让我继续走下去吧。
出去打了一个小时拳。感觉全身都很疼。打出去的拳头好像都回到了自己身上。然后在洗澡的时候再度感叹牛顿的第3定理。不过,打拳的感觉很好,有种让人觉得自己真的存在的快感。回想昨天在朋友家,看著他渐渐腐烂,忽然头又开始晕。
又到了每年那个时间,北野武的<<Kids Return>>又得拿出来看看,After all, there are something romantic about the idea to screw up totally and start all over again...
---- 2 小时后------
感叹了老半天,才发现,原来是发烧了。还以为感应到宇宙电波了呢。算了,现在可以理所当然的去睡觉了。。。 July 21 最近感想頭很暈﹐好了以後我不吸毒了。我錯了﹐多謝大家的關心特別鳴謝tasmania的一家人。
最近過得很充實。每天吸收著知識﹐淨化著精神,沒有骯髒的食物﹐沒有多餘的慾望。這樣下去﹐就能看見神的身影了吧。不知道﹐還在等車子里的桔子皮發芽吧﹖還是看看寫second sex之前作者的心理反應。考慮一下法國的荒野哪裡比較便宜﹐看看黑森林﹐看看花光了的DVD。看看matrix男主角以前的妖艷造型。日本SM文化的瑰寶﹐還是綁架西藏活佛轉世者的計劃。
這幾天忽然覺得黑咖啡很好喝。於是開始自己在家裡喝。雖然一直鄙視這種bourgeois的產物。可是無可救藥的迷上了﹐我也沒辦法。天一直在下雨。今天在舊書店看見了F.Scott.Fitzgeral﹐還看見了村上的英文版人造衛星情人。早上一直在研究sigmund frued理論的女性版本。原來Oedipus Complex的女版是Electra Complex. Jun說的。下午冒著雨跑去修電腦。裝了個超級散熱器進去﹐現在電腦連聲音都沒有了。
怎麼來說﹐這兩個星期都很充實。雖然有點暗淡﹐可是能很滿足的感覺到自己活著。能聽見心跳聲音。對於身邊的朋友﹐喜歡雙魚的都能順利的戀愛﹐包括那個和我賭飛機票的﹐答應請吃飯的﹐和在Scottland那個。做人要努力點﹐才會幸福。
對於兩個射手的小傢伙﹐好好讀書哦。居然兩個都讀書出現問題=+=‘。還好我畢業了。很不吉利的一年。希望在現在國外那個也能順利pass.
如果下面一個月內找到工作。年底就會去amsterdam.或者北歐某國。然後應該也會變成一個天主教之類的信徒。最近覺得太不積極了﹐所以覺得得找個宗教來催眠一下自己。讓自己多點借口來痛恨該痛恨的。
好了﹐睡覺了。今天score,2,2...
July 19 Smoke on the WaterWoke up this morning, not exactly woke up, since the sleeping pattern is so screw up these few days, i end up sleeping around 4-5 hours everyday. Computer's totally dead some how. I guess theres too much dust in the cooling fan and somehow the power went off. Hopefully it didnt damage anything expensive... I blame this on the phone conversation with helen. She brings bad luck to my computer by asking about computer problems!
Room is currently total mess. Jas and hes friend came by and had a drink last night. plus i need to pull the emergency switch when the comp goes down (which involves digging through 20 layers of boxes to find the network card cable so i can use internet on my laptop).
The point is, after going out and come back into my room, i realize dam, it smells nice.. I mean it! I mean this is the world of 60s! Jazz, Sartre, Hendrix, Dope. Just on the dope issue. If i can find a job anytime soon i'll probably go overseas at the end of the year. Want to stay in amsterdam for a month. Mmmmm July 18 gekommen zur Hölle mit mirWarum bin ich über es dieses mal so ernst? Ich erhalte es nicht, Sachen gehen die gleiche Weise, als sie sollen Sie, gerade eine andere Person. Eine Nacht ohne Schlaf würde nur den meinen Geistesstatus verbittern. Bumsen, irgendein Körper töten mich! Bevor ich die Welt wieder aufwachen und gegenüberstellen muß… what happens when you dont go to sleepwalk down the street there's just no one around, huge street seem so quite, and neat. i guess im just claustrophobic, but it does feel good having all the extra random people all filter out. Schweppps Agrum taste quite nice. Above all i had a long detailed conversation with UMIGA,about zita, yes you! , moon and life ahead. then welly came online running around telling me all about he's pleasure of browsing through highschool girls blog. Also read a totally ccrap ghost novel. now im really for me pot and drink section..... July 17 打拳不带手套的结果昨晚看了million dollar babe,很不满意的发现原来是韩剧。最近几天都在练习,好像慢慢开始适应了。结果刚刚又跑去练习,回来时发现,手指关节都破皮了=+=’。原来million dollar babe这个故事的真正寓意是,a fighter must learn to protect himself at all time。 July 15 WTB SanityWake up feeling cold and dry. Need a cigarrete, but my mouth is all bitter. got out a pipe, smoked a little, feeling better, had some noodle (note plant noodle with nothing else), realizing it feel so good to smoke my ciggarete (note MY cigarrete) and eat noodle at the same time. Shivering, coz its still so dam cold.. dizzy, dont want to touch any music anymore, a week of coming back to improvising is screwing my mind up like some cheap drug u smoke at highschool farewell party. Some peanuts (Still insist peanuts are meant to be vegetable), need some alcohol, realizing its mid day. Life suck, yes and i dont even need murakami's novel to remind me about it this time...... July 13 Why the hell is my left index finger getting destroyTuesday morning, i woke up with a sore finger. Wednesday, there's even a paper cut on it, quite deep, you can peel it open to see under the skin. When i'm having dinner today, the nail starts to bleed for no reason. Am i halluscinating, or does things just happen for no reason.
Dika really talk some sense into me, so i came home, start to learn all the chords, something i should've done a long time ago. Now everything seem so new all of a sudden. Now i know that whole if you flat the second it becomes a minor and if you flat the 4th it becomes a 7th bullsh!t... Piano is seriously a perfect instruction for everyone out there to get a general idea on music theory. If you play guitar, you can probably spend the rest of your life doing scales, and apergios without knowing what is what. I guess you can still solo happily without all them fansy theory, but chord does spice things up and give you that smooth jazzy touch, mmmm
Sitting at home starting at a piano 3am in the morning, right hand index finger starts to bleed... was slapping that bass for 30 minutes, hard. havent play any of these instruments for so long, i guess music is still in me. But either way, i definitely need some dope. Feel so empty lately, dont know why.
Driving around in Marrickville/Newtown area, 2am in the morning, got lost in a no through road. A strange old man jump out when i was reversing, he came approach my car. Some how i got this idea he tries run into me. Mmmm, disturbing thought.Alot of random people down the street since the weather is not so chilling anymore.
PS Dika gave me that last joint, altho its too small to do you any good, i'm still in tears smoking it.
PSS But i am still pissed at the fact that he refuses to bring me some cok from indo, after all its so cheap there.... July 11 第二天放假真的好闲,每天都给自己要做的事情,可是一直都懒得要命。不知为什么头疼得要命,真的很要命!昨晚弹琴弹到3点,左手好像起水泡了。好像一玩音乐就特别想吸烟。然后开始乱想东西,结果头更疼了!今天一早在后院打拳,发现自己体力差了好多,该死的工作,昨晚健身的时候也明显感觉出全身肌肉都松弛了。然后开始更加不满,不过钢琴是个很好的乐器,能很容易的表达自己的感情,特别是即兴的时候。不过不知道是自己的感情被钢琴影响了还是怎么的,心情越来越差。今天跑去蒸了一个小时steam,边蒸边看柏拉图,结果起来的时候差点晕倒,好像最近都没有什么时间观念。回家路上顺便拉了个朋友来教我看乐谱,顺便让她随便弹点什么,谁知道她说要看谱。。。。。。 什么世界嘛。不过后来她还是弹了些很了不起的东西,真的很了不起哦!好像传说中左手画圆右手画圈一样的伟大技术。然后就开始喝酒,吃桔子,还吃了我宝贝的花生!反正就是这样,我的头还是很疼,疼! July 10 被人点到Life without work is so boring-_-'
游戏规则:大家写下自己的~然后加一题~点别人~往下传~~~
1. 最近在看的电视---------------- 不看电视
2. 最近在做的事------------------ 出去
3. 最近在听的音乐---------------- Courtney Love
4. 最近在吃的东西---------------- 花生
5. 最近在看的报刊--------------------- Spectrum inside saturday's Herald 6. 最近关心的话题---------------- 人类对森林的破坏 7. 最近常去的地方---------------- 银行 8. 最近常想的异性---------------- Courtney Love 10. 最近身体情况------------------ 接近死亡 12. 对朋友最想说的话-------------- 没什么。 13. 对自己最想说的话-------------- 'Sort your life out.' -Shuan of the Dead 14. 想一个减肥的良方-------------- 开车向一个方向出发到没汽油为之走回来 15. 记忆中做的最疯狂的事之一------- 看完同性恋游行以后和朋友在教堂门口排泄 16. 喜欢K歌的程度1~10依次递减----- -10 17. 喜欢吃的食物------------------ 牛的内脏 18. 最喜欢的水果------------------ McFlurry 19. 最怕什么---------------------- 蒜头,吃一点都会吐死 20. 现在最想做的事---------------- 收拾房间 21. 你最遗憾的一件事---------------- 出生 22. 目标------------------------- American Psycho的生活 23. 现在最想买的东西-------------- 没有购买欲望了 24. 你最不能忍受另一半的性格特征--- 没文化 25. 你最好朋友的名字-------------- Gibson Lespaul,电脑,WRX,钱,我自己 26. 你最想将来定居哪里------------ 荒野 27. 觉得自己最大的优点是什么------ 神圣 29. 今年最大的愿望是什么---------- 神尽快回答我 30. 迄今为止最难忘的一件事-------- 我记性不好 31. 你最喜欢的季节是哪个---------- 冬天 32. 为幸福下一个定义-------------- 拥有无与伦比的创造天赋 33. 什么情况下分手了还能做朋友---- 不予回答 34.“付出是为了收获”是否是一切交流的---- 不是 35. 最近在烦恼些什么------------- 身体在腐烂 36. 最理想的对象是谁------------- 变性以后的自己 37. 情人节去哪玩儿了------------- 没有宗教信仰 38. 你看到我点你的名后,会请我吃饭吗---- 没有考虑 39. 你觉得ANSON帅吗?----------- 不认识 41. 最喜欢的动物? --------------- 山羊 43. 如果让你放弃你现在拥有的一切去和你爱的人在一起,你会吗?-- 会 44. 你相信“命中注定”吗?--------- 经常发生,习惯了 45. 认识荆娜,开心吗?------------ 不予评价 46. 你是积极向上的那类人吗?------ 暂时不需要药物帮助 47.遇到一个可爱又可恨的人,你是爱她/他,还是恨她/他?-- 杀了她然后做成腊肠每个月吃一点 48.你心目中好朋友的定义是什么-- 听我说话,然后按时笑的人 49.你昨晚梦见谁?---------------- 老板 50. 你认为自己下辈子会变成什么---- 神 51.上天赐给你一种力量让你令某个人做你的奴隶,你希望果个人系??? --- 广东话问题,不予回答 52. 上次大笑和哭分别是什么时候什么原因-- 笑因为O'Neil和Dr Phil被关了起来,哭因为Ray对他老婆说'I love you' (Ray Charles,不是Raymond) 53.你觉得你最像那个动物,为什么?人马
54.如果你出现在“The Cars"的世界,你会是什么。
点名: 小女儿 (对!就是你,有很只古怪狗的那个韩国人),Jason Ly, Ivy, SK, Yike (污染你的Blog) July 09 Finish work + Road TripFinished working. Done, hand in application, waiting for them to assess stuff, taking a few weeks break to look at myself.
Went on a road trip on saturday morning bright early, around 4:30.. Got caught speeding, right outside my house... this is crazy.. book me down for u turn and doing 140k on a 60 zone (not that they have any prove), but ya probably get fine and points taken off, big deal, im gonna get my full liscence and bounce off with my new pointss=P
Anyway, i went to Coonabarabran. One hell of a far place, passing that point, there are no roads, havent seen one asian on the way at all, not even that many aussie.. there's alot of abos, alot of emus.. and a big flat land of nothingness... great, ever imagine u could see all through the horizon on a flat piece of land? Sit around smoking next to a fresh ran over kangaroo. Listening to the wind pass by and a whole silent in middle of no where is as best as life goes for me. I'm going back there in a month or so, this time perhaps for a much longer period...
PS Having McFlurry on the peak of Lithgow on saturday -3 degrrees morning outside a random meccas with frosh all over your car, smoking and drinkin black coffee, how much better can it get! July 04 Another dayToday at work...
Adrian: Hey Jas, can you smell something burning?!
Me: Yup, it's me, just been smoking.
Whole room: .......................
PS Cold Play is such good band, not only they benefit the rest of the on street busking community, it also does a good job in keeping piano newbs entertained-_-'...
IF the first song on guitar i play is a random theme song for a japanese series i havent even seen,
the first thing i play on drum is hotel california..
the first thing i play on bass is californacation
the first song on piano... will be... mmm actually that will have to go long way back to acknowledge all the primary school music days=+=... ergh dam never mind.. but i can play scientist now hohohoho July 02 PIano PIano PIANO + S15Hahaha i got a piano, off a friend, very good price, it plays organ, i'm happy.. its electronic.. but still it does organ, and its kawai, as a pun, perfect...friend also gave me a s15, and alot of random kitchen stuff, alcohol, rice cooker... more alcohol and a whole bucket of rice, since she's leaving the country for good... argh HELEN if YOUR READING THIS, or LEANNE! YES YOu! TEACH ME PIANO!! I GOT A PIANO NOW.. HHOHHO
Neighbour's gonna hate me-_-'
Anyway job is dam busy, i actually manage to chill by all the after work arrangements and do fun things with ppl at work, ie drive off all together and march George street at lunch with a R34, S15 and my REX.. to buy the buy 2 get one free boost deal-_-'...
Argh and that S15 is just as good as the piano, i'll hug it to sleep every night.. mmm mmm mmm check it out.. |
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