一个周末，心情不上不下的。整天胡思乱想著。

 

工作忙得一团糟。星期五下班，在楼下三个人抱怨著。很可爱的阳光天蝎Michael Jasckson+极度暴力情绪双鱼男，还有我这个不三不四的Asian。说著说著，居然莫名其妙的跑去喝了一杯。感觉熟悉了很多。怎么看，现在情况都比原来好了很多呢。人与人的相处，真是门一辈子的学问啊！

 

星期六本来心情很好，结果吃饭时间被打扰了。结果没办法正常的和家人吃饭。被父亲指出，你最近胖了，感觉很失落。看著镜子前的自己，肌肉又开始衰退了，真是无奈啊。决定要从新开始。星期一，不能再堕落了，要吃健康的食物。星期三开始运动。回家路上，忽然想喝咖啡，买了很好喝的LATTE，在家门口洒了。任何心情低落。

 

星期天起来，读了一下书，跑出去继续喝咖啡。在RANDWICK的GLORIA JEANS喝到了世界上最难喝的MOCHA。只喝了2口，有实在不理解怎么MOCHA能有点不咸不甜的古怪味道。然后吸烟，然后味觉开始麻木，可是还是很不爽。于是就没喝下去。作为一个很心理扭曲的人，应该从此再也不会喝MOCHA了。还是换成LATTE吧，可是SKIM的LATTE，oxymoron得很呢。算了，最后决定，还是回去喝watermelon ice crush好了。不过在此之前，得把GLORIA JEANS积累下来的7-8张free coffee stamp都用完。

 

CFA差不多读完了Economic，还算健康的进度吧。明天应该会累得半死。会议，讨论新结构的会议，希望能把现在的混乱都解决了。还有7 DAY REPO的交割，还没CONFIRM。还有下星期的交割。两个Armotise CRS的PV问题。一大堆麻烦事情。五一放假前的RATESET也完全没时间考虑。保佑我能顺利的度过，然后好好的再多一天时间读书==

 

心情很古怪。好像有种莫名其妙的幸福感。真是个有趣的世界呢。静静的深夜，陪伴著我。一辈子的事情，还是不能太懒散啊。决定了，就去做吧。

好忙，早上看到朋友的EMAIL，看了一眼，接到电话。然后就一直忙到现在。居然连中午饭也没时间吃，吸烟也只吸了一次。太混乱了，香港。混乱的结构，混乱的系统，一天三百封Email，看完都已经下班了，还有没完没了的中国DEALER。闹了半天，原来的IT问题还是一大堆的躺在那里。没人教，没人理，什么事情都得自己来。还有该死的纽约IT部门，越来越猖狂的马来西亚人。

 

晚上和MANAGER谈了一下，感觉好了很多。每次觉得自己快崩溃的时候，有个人在后面撑著，感觉真好。哪天，自己也要成为那样一个人！

 

好了，抱怨完了，昨晚做了个梦。

 

自己在一个乡村，中国的。深夜，忽然想出去走走。被告知会有鬼，不知道是谁说的，当时屋里就我一个。还是出去了，然后看到一个类似小镇的地方。在屋子与屋子中间的小巷中。忽然有人走出，越来越多。开始分不清那些是人，那些不是。忽然，听见自己的声音，然后BEAUTIFUL MIND里面那个RUSSEL CROW想象出来的朋友走了过来。他说话是我的声音，然后....

 

被闹钟吵醒了。

 

很高兴，深夜不睡觉，严重压力大的情况下，还能做那么可爱的梦。

 

昨天，也很忙。一个人在楼下喝咖啡。看著假期傍晚，街上的人群。把烟头熄灭了，告诉自己。就那么做吧，要活一个，符合自己性格的人生呢！

Been working there for almost 8 months now. Alot happened, seriously had a much better knowledge about derivative. After all, i used to thought, ergh swap is so pointless, people should just use FRA and sticks with options. Well, i thought wrong. Never realize the world of swap could be so fascinating. I go to sleep dreaming about quanto, credit deault, range accured and all your exortic swaps on the menu.

 

However, the i think i have to say, i've learnt alot from the manager.

 

He didn't have a degree. Had no idea what a swaption is., can bearly understand conversion, or any ISDA documentation. But MAN, he knows he's way around the office. All around him, i learn all the useful skills to survive in the modern working environment. Well, he does piss you off sometimes, since he's soooooo similar to this friend of mine. YES, i have to emphasis. All those metanarrative statements, assumptions and all that in your face lines. But he taught me how to send an email, how to workout who should know what, who to respond to, how to initiate change, and above all, how to do a FULL WINSOR NOB.

 

Farout, i cant stressout how much the full winsor nob meant to me. I mean i always thought a half winsor nob is the whole thing. People's ties look so chubby and round because they have thin neck and some how did it nicely. But man, a full winsor nob really made me day. Its the most significant adaptation to a professional working life.

 

Friend came back from an AFMA course with the MAQ people. Apparently they're all far too arrogant about the fact that they work for MAQ, and give you a snobby look when you tell them you work elsewhere. They wear their MAQ t-shirt to night clubs with pride and look down on anyone outside the bank. Well, it seem alright back then, i mean i can still recall when someone said, i want to find another job when i was working there. I said where you going? They said, i don't know, but definitely still in MAQ. Argh, just like how People's Bank of China recently became the only bank in the world that refuses a 302 swift msg==

 

Alot happened.

Gone but not forgotten, Boris! Your one of my most recognized political figure since childhood. I drank a cup of vodka, straight to commenorate he's life.

 

Gone but not forgotten, ABN AMRO. You suck, but yeah, you still pretty dam big of a bank. Now, all Netherland has is ING.

 

Gone but not forgotten, my old seat. All the privacy, all those print out holiday calenders of the world. Took me a hour of overtime to clear out my desk, and move everything, to the seat opposite to me. Ergh.

又两天过去了。

 

看了一个CHAPTER CFA。惭愧中。

 

实在没有心情。

 

居然无聊得翻起了漫画。然后被漫画影响，草莓100%，有是I's那类型的东西。真不应该呢。开始后悔为什么中学读的是男校，大学有完全没有上学习惯。人生啊，就那一次，没有机会了。只能把遗憾留给下一代来完成吧。

 

喜欢馒鱼，可是每次都觉得实在少了点什么。所以后来还是觉得鳝才是最好的。以后应该经常会去叫外面来吃。

 

剪了指甲却找不到手套，真得去做个手术，治疗一下手的问题。小时候埋没了我做电脑行业的理想，然后又让我没有了弹吉它的欲望，还让有开始有洁癖，和很在意自己的性格。都是手的过错！当然，还有男子中学。

 

弹了整天钢琴，很佩服自己。吸烟能吸那么多，后来才发现的。家里的钢琴，就是感觉舒服很多。哪天晚上爬进朋友家，怎么弹都不顺手，还以为自己全忘了呢。很喜欢那首歌，可是一直都没有坐下来完成它的冲动。如果只用钢琴，太浪费了。可是用其他乐器，又决定不了主次。上个阶段的音乐，到现在还赖在那里，真不是个好的现象。弹著弹著，好像还能多少感觉到那时候的想法。怎么说都好，这是自己感觉比以前写的任何东西都要好的歌。得认真的完成。

 

CFA，3rd of June。是一个了结，也是一个开始。太多想做的事情了。虽然没有读书，可是也没有去完成的想法。算了，这个星期无论如何得把ECONOMIC给解决了！

最近IT发展真是伟大。病毒已经从单纯的麻烦改变成一个复杂的问题。牵涉到网络，牵涉到个人资料，密码。

 

实在很佩服最近的ADWARE。懂得自己先跑进APPLICATION的.exe和.bat档案里面。然后每次打开再自己繁殖，下载。更厉害的跟著.rmvb,每次看电影的时候自己跳出来，然后下载excel macro.

 

自己从开始理解WINDOWS运作的文件，删除REG。进化到开始寻找COOKIES，.dll和system file. 感觉学了不少东西。不过还是太麻烦了。电脑开始只是单纯硬件接触问题，然后开始有SOUND CARD运作毛病，然后是ADWARE战争(看是我删得快，还是它下载得快)。

 

最近朋友说，打工的钱，拿去买电脑吧。

 

有道理。

 

不过还是觉得，电脑要用到开不了，才换才是本人的原则。

 

虽然一般只需要两年==

 

还想要，

 

Charge Speed Wide Body Kit

在AMAZON上面买DVD

 

需要，

CFA compliant Calculator

很多很多的CRANBERRY JUICE

 

必需要，

 

车牌更新

驾照更新

CITI银行卡，然后把一年前的退税支票弄进去。

CITI信用卡

 

天气开始冷了，星期五没有smart casual的冬天衣服。已经开始被归类为SPONSORED BY RL，必需改变。考虑KNIT WEAR，或者伦敦路线，BUSINESS类型的衣服也该弄点回来==。是时候把MYER的乱七八糟VOUCHER，GIFT CARD都解决掉了！

 

十分感谢送回我钱包的司机，很伟大的LOCAL AZN。

 

去BEVELLY HILL吃饭，碰见烟店老板一家。她女儿长得好像她。看见长得像的一家人，我都会感觉很兴奋。不能理解呢。

 

考虑剪头发，或者再弄个颜色。不清楚，好像不应该，算了，等我游荡完香港和台湾再说吧，有颜色的头发给人很不可靠的感觉呢==。

 

今天去看了姥爺。天氣不錯﹐心情低谷還在繼續著。

 

 

醒來發現錢包還在昨晚的計程車上。出門看看﹐應該已經開得很遠﹐很遠了。

 

很失落。作為一個憂鬱敏感的物質男人﹐錢包本身代表了很多東西。或許太多了。事物還是一件一件的消失﹐忽然變得很暴躁。

 

努力的讓自己平靜下來。帶著混亂的想法﹐走進廟宇。

 

香﹐一束﹐兩束... 古人喜歡祭拜神靈﹐祈求的其實是那一刻中平靜下來的心情吧。

 

很久不見﹐希望這次能順利的接收吧。他的離開也有我的責任吧。

 

 

下午﹐開始超前忙碌的一天。沒有間斷﹐沒有午飯﹐連煙﹐也是跑下去匆忙了吸了兩口而已。

 

中途接到電話﹐錢包居然回來了。

 

傍晚拿到寫MYER的VOUCHER和一封有兩個簽名的信﹐和握了個手。(死禿頭﹐這麼安排﹐以後會有更複雜的工作關係分佈圖呢。)

 

和香港TRADER聊了一下﹐發現對方原來也是個很正常的人。給我點時間吧﹐會有翻天覆地的變化的﹐又能忙得很幸福了。

 

謝謝姥爺的保祐。

 

 

凌晨2﹕00﹐還沒到平時睡覺的時間。很累﹐去休息了。

 

看了很感人的BLOG﹐感受到了被觸動的心情。

明天，开始。

 

香港。

 

离开的人给了些不太好的预感。临走前大概的说了一下。一个序幕，留下了不少伏笔。

 

对方是一个很努力而固执的人。

 

很麻烦呢。

 

狮子说，又得从新开始了。回到开始，在经历一次。虽然知道很多。

 

摩羯说，又能有数不清楚的事情处理了，还有新的人际，新的事物。

 

射手说，新的人，新的位置，改变了，改变了，很有趣呢。

 

金牛说，钱好像没多呢。

 

结论，心情不太好。不顺利的一个星期。什么事情都混乱了，带著一点伤感。半夜写EMAIL，吸烟，然后再从新开始。又一个星期过去了。

Woke up in the morning, everyone's talking about the same story, thought i'll blog about it, from my own perspective.

 

I came to sydney around the ages of 8. I'm currently 23. I don't have many friends at all. Hardly spoke to anyone in University. I watch alot of voilent films back in the days, readings seriously twisted cannibal literature. Had dreams about disecting a little blonde pre-teen girl. Play death metal. Above all, i hate the world. Its cruel to me.

 

Given all that, i can seriously relate to the kid. If he picked up a guitar few years earlier, this probably wouldnt have happen.

 

Read two of he's plays online.

 

 

Mr Brownstone's got a pretty good flow. I guess i'm just into Guns N Roses too much. Still listen to their songs everytime i drive.

 

People with a good imagination and a senstivie mind could always be a problem. Especially when they don't understand how to differentiate their ideal and reality.

 

Oh well, i guess it is fortunate that i don't have access to guns after all.

 

PS First reaction to the shooting, Dam the kid must've been a mad italian, depressed after Roma loss 7-1 to Manchester United..

最近很倒霉。自己一直每日没夜的干活，最后出错好像都和我有关系。虽然没有直接关系，但好像什么事情我都有参与。变成COMMON DENOMINATOR，真不好受。

 

在事情发生的时候，才能感觉到平时建立的关系。

 

有人冷眼看著，然后慢条斯理的说，'That's Interesting.'

 

有人笑嘻嘻的过来当闹剧。

 

有人先跟你联络，在帮你完全解释。

 

也有人，自己把责任堆到自己身上。

 

被人撑著的感觉真好啊，好像是得到对方的认可一样。很感激。以后再也不会说印度人坏话了。

 

Two hours and 4 phone calls/conversations later,

 

Yes, the above entry does sound far too depressing and pessimistic.

 

I wasn't even sure why i'm upset. I was standing outside a cafe, talking to manager. He said, you look upset, i said nar i'm just tired. Then i thought, yeah, i'm upset.

 

The truth is, nar, i'm just tired. I need a break after CFA. If you ever consider CFA, take my advice. Don't give them your real email address and Postal address, or at least, avoid those weekly mail updates at any cost. After all, you dont i mean you DONT &^&* want to hear this whole 'You should be well into your study...' intro every week...

 

I need to go back to the gym. I've been saying it for long. I'm not motivated.

 

I'm drunk. I don't know. I think im at the 3pm of my life.

 

Another 2 chapters down, feeling a bit more confident, or at least self forgiven.

 

Anyway let me go back to talk about people at work.

 

7 months down the track, i got to know them alot better, so i'll drop down what i think of them now, in case i change my mind again, and i do sincerely hope none of them ever bump into here.

 

E, the supervisor. Typical asian with a strange english name. Good looking. Quite a surprising person. Looks like a very traditional asian, IS a very traditional Asian. Old school. Sexist. Surprise the hell out of you when he knows all these movies you talk about and knows all the disco music from the 80s. Great friend, probably the only person i talk to outside work. Not exactly a good person to hang around with at work tho. Don't want to go into it. Cancer.

 

M, the team member. Spell out Geek in denial. Loves mystic novels, reads CNN, BBC. Speak formal english and beleive in himself. Alright person to start a conversation, very dependent, yet arrogant and have no clue how to survive at work. Sexist. You want to throw him out of the window when he talks, feel sorry for him when he doesnt. Cancer.

 

V, the manager. Inspiring person. No degree. Grow up on the street. Want to be Asian. Amazing people skill. When i first start, he said to me, if you want to do something, do it. Don't bother asking, just try it yourself, if you screw up, let it be, just do it. That changed my life. Without him, i'm probably still be sending rateset advice everyday and leave 9:15 sharp. Could be childish in times. Very typical piesces/acquarius. Come to think about it, all those movies he lent me and all those spy/war novel he reads, does remind me of this friend of mine. Very bad with computer, have no idea half the time on anything slightly structured.

 

S, Unit Head. We don't get along. I hate him. Yes i do. He smiles at you, but you know that he can't stand you just as much as you can't stand him. The only person out of the whole department who knows the ""BIG PICTURE"". If you tell him there's an interest movement in india 2 days ago, he can predict the changes of global economy in the next 10 years type of thing. Reasonable, but i guess at the end there are just those people you can't get along. Serious person. Before i show up for the interview, the agent reminded me that he can't stand chit chat, and that impression is still valid today.

 

L, Operation head of all Departments. Initial impression, innocent old man. Drives a Lexus. Reads all news paper on he's laptop daily. Chews gum on the way to toilet. President of the Sydney Philippino Society. Been in the bank for over 20 years. The truth is, he's one hell of person. Behind them smiling innocent face, lies those 20 years plus experience....

P, Asia Pacific Technology and Operation Head. Malaysian Female. Single. Mid 50s. Have a 4 million harbour mansion. Drives a Lexus. Hardcore environmentalist. Love to pretend as a random person (which is the way she usually dress) in the kitchen and talk to newbies. Steal cigarretes off people and throw them away.

 

R, random person from another team. Amazing PC handling speed. Law graduate. Malaysian from London. Taurus. Buddhist at heart. Cute. Childish Man cliche. Drives a DC2. Live in Maroubra. Owns 3 gold credit cards, in debt. In love with a random girl in the office for 2 years, never spoken to her.

 

K, random person from another team. Cool guy. Funny. Scorpio. Singaporean indian grow up in red fren (Actually grow up in blacktown, but he wanted to be more black). Mistaken by randoms in the elevator as Michael Jackson, pre operation. Hardcore health freak. Swims and rides bike 2 hours daily. Completely opposite to who i am. Cool guy.

 

S, manager. The only person besides the unithead who knows everything. Typical early scorpio. Funny guy. Down to earth. System expert. Getting marry soon. Cool Guy. Looks like pro cricket player. Indian Malaysian.

 

L, Virgo. Very virgo. We hate each other. Insist on writing on a sheet of paper next to you when decided to gossip about office politic. Seats directly opposite to me but only ever communicate via email. Cathlick. Ex-Gangster stereotype. Recently in love. Very quite, but turns crazy with a bit of alcohol. Hongkong Expert.

 

H, Taurus, big sister type. Extremely innocent. Centre of attension in the office, most of the time she doesnt even know why. Looks after a whole family of brother and sisters. Daily grocery shopper, coffee drinker. Famous for yelling at hongkong dealers over the phone. My regular supplier of Banana. Will become my team member in a week's time.

 

To be continue ...

Hmmm, just realize the title is a pun. I love puns.

 

I seriously dont get why people can be so easily offended. Ergh! I mean i get offended by slightest things like choice of words, facial expression and anything vague implication, but i never have any tendancy to reveal it. After all, everyone's different. And i do appreciate such differences as that is what makes this world an interesting place. Seriously tho, if you get offended by what i say, its probably because you don't understand me and if so, i see no point in having any further conversation.

 

Anyway, enough of this whole snobby Leo Taurus talk. Moving on.

 

Woke up this morning feeling the worse hangover ever. Usually i take panadol before i sleep after a drinking night. This time obviously i didn't prepare for it. Well all i can vaguely remember is the endless vomiting groan from the bath room. Some random sobbing and the fact that i just want to sleep. Then again, got to admit, Jason Ly getting drunk is such Kodak moment! Its a shame that i couldn't take a still picture since he's keep on wiggling.

 

Its sad that the world is so big, yet you can hardly ever find anyone to talk to.

 

PS 300 suck. Seriously Hollywood, stop screwing up epics with your obsession with special effects.

PSS Doing 100km in the City is fun. No speed camera, nice around corners. Moderate level of cars to keep it nice and challenging.

PSSS 3 more weeks to go, before i officially transfer to the HK team. Have to try leave at 9:15 sharp everyday till then!

戴了一串据说是西藏来的珠子。

 

看起来很可疑，一点都不像。而且也是因为怕丢了找报应所以莫名其妙的落到了我的手里。戴了以后，感觉好像变得顺利了。

 

讨厌我的人还是继续讨厌著我，世界还在继续著。光头老板还是虚伪的和我完全合不来，科长也还是酸酸的开著意味深长的玩笑。身边的马来西亚人，开始妥协了，也少了不少不必要的麻烦。不过，既然都快换组了，一切也不太重要了吧。

 

最近胖了，虽然很久没见的，还是说我瘦了不少，可是还是觉得最近胖了。决定彻底的开始第二次阶段运动，可是却总有莫名其妙的原因不能开始==算了，再看多几个星期BIGGEST LOSER来刺激一下自己吧。

 

同样一段介绍，一张相片，有人能看见无聊的抱怨，讽刺的幽默，单纯搞笑，无间道和TRAINSPOTTING。可惜看见TRAINSPOTTING的人太少了。算了，没有共同兴趣，也能成为朋友吧。

 

看了HOT FUZZ。很好看。期待下一部LA TRIVIETA。伟大两个英国人。

 

曼联居然7-1大胜。可怜的意大利人郁闷了一整天。

 

A random hypothesis on why Annie left,

 

E = Eugene

J = Me

 

E: I think Annie got sacked.

J: Why?

E: You updated the wrong reveal rate. Big PV loss, so she got sacked.

J: ....

E: You sure you'll be alright tonight? You'll scare all the dealers.

J: ....

 

Classic Eugene Moment

 

PS Someone told me about "Stranger". This is one hell of a twisted world==

我没有在反省，我只是在寻找而已。

 

人，最痛苦的莫过于腐烂在自己习惯的空间和生活形式里面。回头看看自己每一两年改变一次的形象和生活方式，没什么不好的。只不过是想努力的感受一下生命的存在而已。

 

烟，年底会戒。名牌，已经没有感觉了。朋友，好像没有减少。只是厌倦了一些过于主观而停留在两三年前情况下的观点而已。

 

学过的知识和那几张破纸对某些人来说可能什么都不是。可是在这个现实的世界里面，作为一个二十几岁的男人，一个可以期待的未来，似乎远比电影的品味，读过的书籍，音乐的造就和独特的世界观，大众化得多。

 

After all, the only common denominator of the world that people used to evaluate a person's value is money. And i'm sure your cynical enough to agree with me on that one.

好久没见，DANNY看上去变了不少。居然还记得相遇时候的情形。一个健康的小男孩，忽然撕掉墙上的明星海报，开始听NIRVANA，打鼓，真是见浪漫的事情。现在，轮到我在他身边徘徊，呼吸著自己失去的过去。看著建筑和哲学的书籍，吸著中国的烟。中国的烟真的很伟大！不愧为通过内部关系弄来的好东西。我拿起了吉它，DANNY说，算了吧，你现在已经不应该在搞这个了。是的，现在的我，应该开著车子，去海边喝咖啡。照些无聊的衣服相片再放上BLOG，写写对于现状的不满。去FITNESS FIRST，穿CNC。什么破烂人生啊。

 

早上起来，送台湾人回了台湾。居然没迟到。大家都是明白人，知道互相的关系。没有多余的客套，也完全不用客气。DIVERSIFY一点在这里，应该对未来有好处吧。

 

穿著白色的衣服，没有出现在葬礼上。看著西边，吸著烟，希望老人家能从痛苦中走出来。人生真是残酷得很真实啊。

 

下午去看了演出。头发紫得五颜六色的弟弟，摇头晃脑的拉著她的小提琴。真是个可爱的孩子，怎么可爱的人都要被伤害呢？很喜欢后半场的曲目，小提琴的高音深深度触动著内心的深处。高音真是太棒了。

 

有一天过去，还是没有读书。很累，想说话，可是没有合适的字眼。

 

睡觉吧。

 

PS星期五，公司楼下。

....

M: The world goes on with or without him.

J: I know.

M: Actually, it will be very good for you.

J: Of Course!

.....