Taiwan have on average 10 derivative deals a day. I'm talking about multi-billion dollar interest rate swaps. So on average, we have about 5-10 settlements a day.

 

Hongkong is a bit bigger than Taiwan. 15-20 deals, sometimes up to 50. Similar size. They have around 10-20 settlements in a day.

 

Singapore, the biggest financial market in south east asia, have around 200 derivative deals a day. Around 150 settlements daily. When i heard

about that, i thought, SHIT! that's crazy. 150 settlements. I dance around a bit, ran, and fully express my complete fascination.

 

The other day, we were doing net-meeting conference with New York. So, we got a peek at their settlement numbers.

I saw 128. so i thought hmmmm, yeah New York isn't so big after all. Even singapore is bigger. Pffft whats all the big fuss.

Then of course, i realize, there's the ',000' attached at the back. So make it 128,000 settlements in a day.

 

FUCK.

 

Excuse my French.

 

PS American Banks does not celebrate easter. Bloody Jewish people taking over the world...

周五，失眠多日，下班以后和纽约开会至深夜。出来以后，吃了韩国餐。鱼肉，汤，饭。很精致，很有家的感觉。好久没吃过住家饭了。父亲身体很差，母亲也终日忧心忡忡的。每天吃著没有盐的素食，过著无止境的繁忙。

 

周六，被JASON叫醒了。发现又忘记了闹钟，该死的LG电话莫名其妙的功能，该死的我自己。听著WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE去投票，选了LIBRAL。一个完全没政治兴趣的右翼，很无趣吧。然后参加了CORPORATE GAMES。没完过CRICKET，比想象中难多了。喊著不知意义的口号，奔跑著，和IT部门的印度同事去买午饭，参与著格格不入的讨论。忽然觉得自己真的很不属于这个地方。一个生活了10多年的城市，好陌生啊。

 

傍晚时候下著暴雨。坐在火车站的门口吸著烟。看著路上的新时代年轻人，淋著大雨，走在街上。看了看自己的PAUL SMITH TOP，标签上似乎写著干洗。把剩下的半跟烟给了一个乞丐，慢慢的走了出去。大雨透过头发，留到脸上，有种眼泪的错觉，很舒服呢。

 

莫名其妙的和一群莫名其妙的人在一间莫名其妙的餐馆吃饭。结论，有个女同性恋很帅，和年轻人开始有代沟了。和朋友在STARBUCKS喝咖啡，另外一个朋友成了永远的共同话题。你也太让人不放心了！

 

周日，醒来看见留言。回想著昨晚漫长的梦。好久没做梦了。经过长期的失眠，压力，梦忽然变得好奢侈啊。吃了星期天套餐，看著过去的朋友间的争执，有趣的世界呢。忽然感受到了一点超现实的解脱。真想放开一切去旅行。在荒野里面，MONTE CARLO SIMULATION也应该会忽然变得浪漫起来吧。

 

算了，我还是看著我CFA，收集著CREDIT DEFAULT SWAP的合同，背著ISDA的条文，推敲著工作的发展，走着GDW(GREAT DEALER WU)的道路。

 

PS受到JASON的7号柜台女的影响，我也找到了韩国寿司女。区别是那小子已经周旋在两个女人和一个TOMBOY间，而我还是苦闷的过著单身生活。COSMOPOLITAN2006年度最不受女性欢迎的男性行业果然没有感情的可能性啊==

昨天和朋友说话，忽然再次发现自己的强烈处女情节。

 

是的。

 

我很喜欢在星期六早上开始清洁房子，把一切收拾整齐。然后洗衣服，如果衣服有污点，会整天心神不宁。然后跑去厕所，想方设法弄干净。

 

再者，我是一个很心胸狭窄的人。虽然掩饰得很好，可是真的很狭窄。一句话，一见很小的事情，一个完全没关系的人，可以让我一个晚上不睡觉的思考。

 

接著，我有很严重的手部洁癖。碰了东西以后，得去洗了又洗，不然会心情低落。

 

最后，我有莫名其妙的完美主义倾向。嗯，可能你会问，你不是完全无所谓的射手吗？哦，我是选择性的完美主义者。虽然不至于要停车停得要那尺子量地平线，可是能够正经八百的把很多没必要的东西加上去，而完成一件事情，对我来说很重要。

 

好了，所以，总结的来说，我又多了一个星座。

 

目前是，射手+金牛+狮子+魔羯+处女==

 

真是矛盾得可怕啊....

Woke up 9:30 sharp.

 

WHAT?! I suppose to be at CITY by 9!

 

Dam!

 

I swear, this is not the first time it happen... BLOODY LG PHONE AND ITS WEEK-DAY ALARM FUNCTION! Think your so smart coming with something which initally seem so intellegent but practically dengerous? Who would've thought about the alarm being a weekday alarm few minutes before they going to sleep? huh? HUH?! HUHHH!!?! (Dam, i start to sound like this kid i talk to lately)...

 

I let everybody down. PHAQUE. I cant beleive it. Everyone's late cause of me....

 

Starting to get use the double couch now. Don't get much chance to practise it at all, since i only drive once or twice a week, and its too dengerous to try, when there's people onboard. I start to cut off corners alot sharper. 4WD cant drive, but you can enter corner with all the grip you need. I think i'll give it aother month or two, before i start testing more complicated stuff like 'knock off' and 'couch free gear shift'...

 

Oh, i bought an Ipod Nano. Yes, i'm more and more commercialised. Next thing you know, i'll start voting for Oz Idol and get prison break tatoos... Then again, Ipod Nano is quite good. Compact, user friendly. Have to say tho, Ipod ear phone suck. Its uncomfortable, with bad practical design, and above all GOT NO BASS!! How am i suppose to listen to Metal/Hip Hop on that? I guess i'll just use it for light jazz and cold play. Hmm Which is whats in my Car right now==

 

When to the COB site of Citigroup today. Its completely camoflaged. In the middle of a forest. Heavy security with 10 glass doors guarded by 2 security per entrance== Its got water foundtain and everything you expect from a science fiction movie...

 

CFA, CFA, CFA... go into my head. Ahhhh i cant procastinate like this! Its time to dug out "Shuan of the Dead" and "Sort My Life Aut!

Over the years, i have alot of childhood dreams. I've never fansied fire man, police man or astrooad. But along the years i've always wanted to be a lawyer, but realize thats actually a barrister. It takes years of hardwork, relationship and skin color before you can even start. Above all, it requires a high UAI, which i definitely not gonna put in the effort to get. So i gave up.

 

Then, i thought about music. But my band is always short of people, place to reherse, above all, i never wanted an unstable life that includes casual jobs and finanical struggle. So i gave up.

 

Then, the next big thing. Businese development manager. Yes, you travel in suits, get pay by commission, negotiate, doing all the talking. Them the telemarketing job hit me. Yes, very discraged. The target, the number, meeting the target. Everyday you worry about not making a sale, trying to beg your way into a deal. Nar, Leos don't beg. 

 

Any NOW, I want to be a DEALER! Dam, everytime i thought, ergh screw it, i'll be a risk manager or product control person instead, something always come back and hit me. I'm a workaholic, i love reuters and knows my way around bloomberg as well. I want to run around doing 20 things at once, with phone callls, hair losses and above all that gigantic cheque at the end of the year.

I know, i'll probably suicide if my PV goes negative 50k in the first day. I know i'll probably have insomnia worrying about getting sack for the first 5 years. But, i really want to have a shot==After all, its the first time i see myself doing something, that both side of me can genuinely appreciate.

 

Yes! I want to be a dealer. An exortic dealer. With three four structured deals a week. booking Non-Deliverable Fixing Quanto Callable Range Accured Wedding Cake swaptions.

 

Argh! I see alot of overtime ahead of me. I have to go up over alot of dead bodies! Ergh screw it, i need a Jeff Skilling type of character!

Yes, I do.

 

In fact, at 3:30am. I cant sleep. So instead, i got up and google OIS, and REPO. Finally i figure out who OIS is always 100 basis point lower than your standard IBOR. As for REPO, still don't get why its so fluctuating, but at least now i know what i stand for, and have a better idea on what it does-_-'.

 

The best part is, I FINALLY figure out what QUANTO swap is. Man, for months, Quanto is the THE word for exortic option. Everyone's like oh exortic hey? QUANTO! i still remember the days when i wake up middle of the night, dreaming about this structured swap with a spike amortisation, range accured with weekly break clause, and float to the average of 5 different interest rates. Farout, its so over hyped. A CIRCA with one interest rate + basis point spread-_-'. Man, whats all the fuss. All of a sudden, i've lost all the interest to find out what Wedding Cake is. Actually, Wedding Cake's like a childhood fantasy, hmmmm, im sure it wont disappoint me.

 

Anyway, i cant beleive how much i've learn these 6 months. All these unintensional bits and pieces just stuck in my head. Can't even sleep at night without counting reuters page names. Oh well, i suppose its a part of my workaholic nature-_-'

 

Let me just keep googling to find out more, about what i've missed out.

头后面长反骨的人，果然没有什么仁义道德。事情考虑过了，觉得可行，也有足够的理由，就不必再考虑情理事故了。

 

世界还在继续著。洁癖归洁癖，表面上看起来和蔼，其实也就足够了。

 

到底要什么，自己也完全不清楚呢。报复，解恨，还是刹那间那种操纵事情的快感。到头来，还是被操纵著。

 

退一步看来，其实事情很简单。只要自己想清楚了，一切也就过去了。

 

为此困扰一段时间，迷失，烦恼，崩溃，好像都变得很可笑。

 

天啊，有生以来第一次为感情以外的事情胡说八道，看来，人生还真是一个有趣的游戏呢。

昨晚和朋友讨论著昏迷的经历。然后一个人想了很久。在小黑房里面，吸烟，看著音箱的暗淡蓝光，听著PINK FLOYD。

 

是一种很超现实的感觉呢。忽然失去知觉。向后倒下。当时发生了什么事情已经完全忘记了。只记得那一刻，脑子很清醒。刹那间想到的，应该是爱。很奇怪呢，为什么是爱的感觉。还以为自己已经超越这个境界了。可是确实的，脑子的那时候考虑的是爱。然后，就好像被电话卡短的DIAL UP INTERNET一样，失去了下文。大脑当时似乎还在继续思考，可是却完全只能感受到隐约的意思而已。

 

很困惑呢，不过以后还是少点发生为妙。毕竟要是被医生抓去医院，可是见很麻烦的事情，两年前就已经受够了。

 

今天在网上看见一段话，感觉很浪漫，

 

“我会陪着你一起坐在路边评论路人的衣着（我现在也做这样的事，哈哈），我会陪着你找个台阶坐着喝酒，听你用不同时代的语言抱怨生活，我会在你跟我说想去月球，然后我赶紧收拾行李辞掉工作，时刻准备跟你走，我会在我们都迷失的时候找出理由，把罪过通通推给神仙，然后丢掉包袱，继续的生活~~哈哈，这样的生活会不会是最理想最温暖的...”

 

PS 虽然血压曾经低过75，我完全不是一个体弱多病的人！不要弄得好像老子快死似的。I'm still god dam as alive as i could be, i can do chin up, dips, and up to 75 push ups per minute. 进入医院完全因为工作，天气，精神状况，饮食习惯和人家关系的麻烦，和吸烟完全没有任何关系！So please just give me a break about taking care of myself. Thanks alot for all the touching things you guys said tho, truely appreciate it!

昨晚和朋友讨论著昏迷的经历。然后一个人想了很久。在小黑房里面，吸烟，看著音箱的暗淡蓝光，听著PINK FLOYD。

 

是一种很超现实的感觉呢。忽然失去知觉。向后倒下。当时发生了什么事情已经完全忘记了。只记得那一刻，脑子很清醒。刹那间想到的，应该是爱。很奇怪呢，为什么是爱的感觉。还以为自己已经超越这个境界了。可是确实的，脑子的那时候考虑的是爱。然后，就好像被电话卡短的DIAL UP INTERNET一样，失去了下文。大脑当时似乎还在继续思考，可是却完全只能感受到隐约的意思而已。

 

很困惑呢，不过以后还是少点发生为妙。毕竟要是被医生抓去医院，可是见很麻烦的事情，两年前就已经受够了。

 

今天在网上看见一段话，感觉很浪漫，

 

“我会陪着你一起坐在路边评论路人的衣着（我现在也做这样的事，哈哈），我会陪着你找个台阶坐着喝酒，听你用不同时代的语言抱怨生活，我会在你跟我说想去月球，然后我赶紧收拾行李辞掉工作，时刻准备跟你走，我会在我们都迷失的时候找出理由，把罪过通通推给神仙，然后丢掉包袱，继续的生活~~哈哈，这样的生活会不会是最理想最温暖的...”

 

PS 虽然血压曾经低过75，我完全不是一个体弱多病的人！不要弄得好像老子快死似的。I'm still god dam as alive as i could be, i can do chin up, dips, and up to 75 push ups per minute. 进入医院完全因为工作，天气，精神状况，饮食习惯和人家关系的麻烦，和吸烟完全没有任何关系！So please just give me a break about taking care of myself. Thanks alot for all the touching things you guys said tho, truely appreciate it!

Still stuck in Between the comples office politic, still holding onto it strongly. Now that i know my position, i have alot to look forward to. However, i was always going towards the manager's side. Supervisor is a nice guy, but sometimes he's too nice, i dont think he can do me any good in a long run. But today, i owe him big time.

 

Yes, after work, i went to have a drink with him. Just as we get up to leave, i felt so dizzy and saw stars everywhere. Before you know it, i had to sit down on the stairs, and rest. Second time i tried to stand up... Then i forgot what happen. Man i only had one drink. Must've been all the stress/overtime/diet/insomia/hard core gym/excessive smoking. Now that i've list down all the possibilities, it really seem like im on a mission to kill myself.

 

So i woke up on the floor. Apparently i stood up, just fainted, and the supervisor and the bar staff just hold on to me and place me on the ground. It wasnt even that serious. But MAN my blood pressure was 75 - HIGH. Ergh, i always thought im the high blood pressure type, dam i could've just die like that. So they called an ambulance, and before you know it, they've poked all these needles into me. Spend an hour in the hospital, got bored staring at pimps with hos with bleed all over and random teenagers ODing.. (Considering the Hospital's in the Cross).

 

So i sat there with the supervisor who's hugging onto me the whole time, telling me its alright and refuse to leave. Man, i owe him. If he wasnt there, telling me about baseball league, korean food, and random stuff about people at work. Maybe i would've faint again. Who knows. For that, i owe him. I hated it, but i owe him. So yes, from now on, i'm back to he's side. I'll include him in every email i sent, be nice to the *#$&#($&*#&$(*#$ team mate, and distant myself from the manager.

 

Farout, i'm so touched! (take it as a pun-_-')

 

 

I never thought i'll say this, but I LOVE STUDY. My god. Life is so empty without an exam to look forward to. Yes, the beauty of procastination, and the fear of lagging behind, the whole package!

 

Saturday, stayed home, went up to date with both Bleach and One Piece comic. Thats a big effort. Also saw parts of Saw III, Paris T'Ame and a few random movies.

 

Somehow, after used to spending most of my time in an airconditioned environment, i find it hard to stay home-_-'..

 

Sunday, i actually manage to play the piano and guitar. My god, this is amazing. The whole idea of having an open text book on the bed, just made me 20 years younger.

 

Oh, recently became a fan of Jorge Arce. Man, one hell of a fighter with characteristic of a fighter. Hmmm, i love mehican light weight people.

 

Went to dinner with brother. So rare to have someone buying me a proper dinner. Its nice to have people you can feel like family.

 

Alright, i better actually start studying. Bloody CFA text book. Spend 2 hours reading it and i've learn nothing new. Starting to question the validility of this course. Hopefully i'll be enlighten soon...

 

Oh yeah, work suck. I hate it. So many random problem with people, with what i do, all things aside, it pays shit. Don't kill me, i think i'm in the cooling down period. Phaque, i need to con my way into Deutsche someday...