Everyday after gym, i go and have a 20 minute coffee session, usually topped-up with 3 cigarretes to boost my concerntration level. In those 20 minutes, i sat there saw at people walking pass, and let the carbon monoxide slowly etches into my system.

 

Like my friend said, 'Your the only smoker i know, that goes to the gym.' I suppose i'm always like that, wanting to have the best of both world, but usually fails boths. Oh well, That's just me and my way of life.

 

Want to go somewhere during chinese new year, taking 3 days off + the weekend. I'm flexible, just havent decide whether i want to actually go somewhere or i just want to enjoy the idea that i'm actually going somewhere. Either way, i need some serious planning. Hopefully the weather is sufficiently cold, so that i dont have to worry about all them bugs keep on crashing onto my car.

Went to catch up with old high school teacher today. Early in the morning, had some nice mocha at Nikki's Cafe in Surry Hill. Seriously good coffee, with them 'Coffee Art' thang helen was talking about. Never realize coffee could be so smooth.

 

Went to random, a different cafe, to have breakfast. Alone. Its nice to have beacon and egg on sunday, under the sun and read the saturday paper. Stop by at Sanity, since steven told me they have <<American History X>> on sale. End up buying 11 DVD/CDs.. and its not even 100 dollars. Thinking about the days when i blow money on Marilyn Manson Cds.. and them Limpbizkt punks, 30 bucks. Man, now you see nat king cole limited edition up for sale for 10, same goes for KILL BILL, PULP FICTION, man Seriously something wrong with this world. Well anyway,So i guess its quite affordable to start my own little DVD collection, so i can have some legacy to share with the next generation.

 

Spending the whole day watching special features. Dam, never realize Quetin Taratino work he's way up like that. I mean i always think directors go through the old school way of collage or film school, start as a PA or something and slowly climbing the ladder. For a film geek who basically have no money and no professional qualification to just jump out like that, man, this is way more inspirational than <<GOAL>>. Yup, i suppose it does pay off to have a dream, screw all you cynical people out there, by that i mean YOU! YES YOU! I'm gonna have my dreams and live in it, well obviously i'll have my day job as well, so i can afford all these dreams=+=..

 

So i had this moment, got over it, saw american history X. Man, wasnt exactly as what i expected. These clasic intellectual film geek worshipping marterials are so over-rated sometimes. Yes, its different, infact the trailer is rather misleading. I load the DVD expecting to see some anger and extreme right wing prejudice. Not a Martin Luther king commemoration, after all, i think the director left alot of subliminal message implyin he's own opinion. Have to feel for them poor mid age white american males, having to dealt with all the trouble of hypocratic equal opportunity. People should seriously get over wanting to be equal, it aint a fair world either way, and it never will be, just do what you can or shut up. After all, the ones who are complaining are the ones that obviously havent bother to put much effort into their personal development.

 

On a side note, i've dug out the cloth i wore a year ago. Dam, they so seriously big now. Then again, i can easily put on a HIPHOP urban style, now all that i need is some blinc blinc and i'll be rolling..

 

Been thinkin, this blog is seriously getting boring. Since i suppose to write down what i think and how i feel here. And obviously being a blog which people browse through, i cant exactly put it my detail personal thoughts. So i figure it will be cool to drop down random things i think about during the day or the nights i cant sleep. It's gonna be fairly contriversial, but then again life is too quite to keep your mouth shut....

很平靜的一個星期。看了<<The Office>> season 1 and 2. 感覺跟Supervisor說的一樣﹐很多角色都似曾相識。看著看著﹐覺得挺傷感的。好久沒見過如此真實而可怕的幽默了﹐而且還是發生在身邊某處。哪天遇到了﹐也不知道該怎麼解決。OFFICE真是一個複雜的地方。勾心鬥角﹐明爭暗斗﹐一切都發生在背後。好像就發生在我們這個複雜的部份。大家都有不同的想法。不過結論是﹐應該從TEAM MEMBER開始考慮﹐畢竟大家一起工作﹐關係比SUPERVISOR和MANAGER都重要。怎麼說都好﹐現在把換工作的時間定在生日前。為了對得起自己的身體﹐決定在那之前得再瘦一個SIZE。我會努力的。哦﹐還有CFA﹐原來只有30%PASS RATE。看來真得進入生命中的拼殺期了-_-'

 

一個人的生活過了好久﹐好平靜啊。所以最近開始研究女裝FASHION。看見CHANEL和PRADA 2007﹐真的很感動。C'N'C也很有味道。相比之下﹐男的除了CK﹐POLO的經典保守就只有D&G和C'N'C的街頭類型﹐我還能勉強擠進。考慮到現在到處是150cm + 40kg的DIOR HOMME size衣服

﹐還有D2那些變態的刺眼粉紅﹐巨大金屬STUD﹐還是不再考慮了。看來我哪天真的會淪落到露宿OXFORD ST街頭﹐搭訕街頭美男。

 

下午彈了鋼琴﹐弄了一下那個DIGITAL RECORDER﹐本來是考慮搞些HIPHOP的東西﹐可是好像腦子始終一片空白。看來得用TURN TABLE+SAMPLER才能弄出那種RAPABLE MUSIC。最近學了不少COVER的RAP﹐口舌快了不少。發現原來M&M和5毛錢那些只是HIPHOP的皮毛而已。2塊那些很有韻味和節奏的gangster rap現在已經看不到了。估計最近會認真開始寫一些東西﹐已經有不少IDEA了。

 

步入一月的盡頭﹐生活還是一塌糊塗﹐每天想著明天開始﹐等著事情的發生。懶得好累啊。

星期五病假﹐一天在家。很懶。想了一個星期﹐沒有結果﹐感覺大腦快爆炸了。所以干脆什麼都不考慮了﹐過一段時間再看看吧。

 

為了讓大腦停止活動﹐所以在youtube上面開始看One Piece。居然莫名其妙的被感動﹐有理想真是幸福呢。

 

下午出門時候﹐忘了帶鑰匙﹐被關在大門和鐵門中間。在那裡坐了一個小時。無奈-_-''

 

 

QUOTE OF THE DAY “有錢買袋子﹐不如拿去捐給WORLD VISION。”

 

 

新的开始，等来的除了离别还是离别。先是小猫，然后同事，同事，更多的同事，然后是过去，一切都发生在过去式，感觉到的时候已经触摸不到了。忙了一个星期，不知道干了什么，有著一种和外界脱离轨道的隔离。每个人都在向前走著，自己看著，好像忽然生活在幕后一样。

 

很喜欢Elizabeth Street的Star Bucks。烂得没人喝的咖啡，偏僻的位置，还有那没完没了的风。一个人坐在那里，喝著巨人size的咖啡，看著匆忙的路人。在第五跟烟熄灭前结束自己的交谈，回去工作。

 

到底想要得到什么，真的是个很复杂的问题呢。看著来往的行人，看著高楼狭缝中间那片小小的天空，继续的思考著。

 

车牌过期了，护照过期一年多了，公司和银行用的是完全没有证件证明的英文名字。理论上来说，我连IDENTITY也没有了。

 

在2007年的夏天，风扇发出沉闷的响声，很困，很困，很困.....

很平靜的日子。沒有OVER TIME很久了﹐好像也忽然失去了購物的慾望﹐很完美的timing。對身邊人的話﹐耿耿于懷了一段時間以後﹐好像已經完全的平復了。一切又回到了麻木的equalibrium.

 

哦﹐那天在朋友BLOG上看到關於Greeting Phobia的事情﹐發現自己也有這個問題。而且似乎很嚴重。原來還是一種PHOBIA。印象中走過街上﹐見到不熟的人﹐一般都不會打招呼。最近在公司這個問題開始嚴重化﹐反正自己會一直潛意識的避免和半生不熟的人交談。嗯﹐想一下還真挺變態的。一直以為自己是個天真活潑陽光燦爛的類型呢==

 

GYM開門了以後﹐發現兩個星期的放縱使得身體差了很多。應該一段時間才能把心理狀況調整過來吧。不過終于可以不加SUPPORT的做10個REP﹐4 SET DIP了。BENCH PRESS也還保持在大概80KG﹐朝著地獄式重量前進著。GYM的電視已經從CRICKET變成網球了﹐看著一群不知道名字的人﹐聽說HINGIS第一個ROUND就被KO了出去﹐時代變了啊。

 

最近很想弄些HIPHOP的東西﹐遲來的春天嗎﹖好像年輕了很多。但似乎已經不可能再去弄OVER SIZE的衣服﹐和一身金銀首飾了。不過最近還是一直在聽主流音樂﹐聽多了就能寫出來吧。被人說是要改變成WHITE AMERICAN==無奈啊。發現RAP這東西﹐很方便。去到哪裡都可以想想﹐然後寫下來﹐很好的打發時間工具呢。

 

同事去菲律賓回來﹐說哪裡25人龍蝦鮑魚的海鮮宴會﹐unlimited alcohol也才吃了100塊錢。煙大概30cent一包﹐還有地板是玻璃下面是幾乎透明海水的豪華HOTEL﹐4天才40塊錢。太恐怖了。Annual leave的時候如果破產﹐可以考慮去那裡過一段時間﹐不破產也想去﹐號稱全世界最便宜的城市﹐太誘人了。

 

PS政府通過了關於P PLATE管治的條例。沒考牌的人﹐最好在6月份前把牌弄出來。不然﹐考試難度會加大﹐而且限制很多。不過有了個DEAD LINE﹐身邊那幾個等了2-3年的朋友﹐應該會積極的去面對了吧。

 

最近因為生活太平靜﹐變得很懶。車牌過期沒去考﹐CFA沒看﹐還連續幾晚睡到半夜醒來失眠。坐在床上﹐吸著煙﹐看著天窗外的晨光﹐大腦一片空白。每天去完GYM以後無精打采的跑去買咖啡。今天喝到了樓下GLORIA JEANS裡面一個帶著黑框眼鏡﹐看起來很有性格的女人做的COFFEE。結論﹐原來做COFFEE和性格是沒有關係的-_-'

 

那天下午和朋友在吸煙﹐他說在考慮辭職﹐自己做點小生意。可是看著藍藍的天﹐感受到夏天午後的輕風﹐就是怎麼也提不起勁來。算了﹐就這麼混下去吧。

Ok, i've accomplished more than 90% of my new year's resolution last year, so here we go again. Since last year, i've established some basic infrestructure, this year will probably focus more on wants instead of immidiate necersity.

 

1. Finish CFA 1 and 2, which an alright result. Better start studying soon-_-'

 

2. Keep up with gym. Drop another 15kg.

 

3. Start a portfolio. Well, i'm poor. But its always good to research and get to know the market. Want to spend sometime into it and see how it goes, after all its something a guy should do.

 

4. Establish, or looking to establish a stable relationship. Yes, i really should. So many people getting marry now days, before you know it, i'll be the only single guy on the planet from this age bracket, how disturbing. I'm not even picky, why cant someone just drop down from the sky.

 

5. Read, watch movies, write, write music, explore new interests. Well, after long hours of work and gym, there really isnt much left in me, still want to keep it up. Hopefully i wont disappoint myself too bad.

 

6. Cut down, or even quite smoking. Well, by quit i mean quit passive smoking. After all i do realize it is bad for me. I want to be a social smoker, and smoke less. In fact i will start from tomorrow. Only about 1 packet left at the moment. See how long that will last me.

 

7. Tatoo. Well still want one, but wont get it until im satisfy with myself. This could take some time.

 

8. New Job. Towards the end of the year i'll be looking for a new job.

 

Hmm ok, wont push myself too hard, at the moment this is about all i want. Hopefully this year will go smooth

貓走了﹐是的。

 

開車開了一整天。媽媽難過﹐感覺自己好像病了。

 

昨天下載了很多MP3﹐開始聽"Weird Al" Yankovic,很搞笑。

 

 

 

 

 

還有很多很多﹐乖死了。

 

下午看了<<Still Life>>. 很平淡﹐很真是。穿插在城市和廢墟。導演通過淡忘的愛情﹐迷失的親情﹐和人與人之間的關係﹐概括了三峽工程的傷感。千年古城﹐將長埋水下﹐廢墟中﹐是一個個徬惶的未來。沉迷周潤發電影的小混混﹐朴實的旅店老闆﹐加上沒有字幕的方言﹐好像一個夏天夜晚的夢。

 

很喜歡裡面在破客棧裡面唱大戲打扮的人玩NINTENDO DS的一幕﹐後現代得沒話說。裡面一些特技做得有點隨便﹐可是看的是感覺﹐想象一下也不壞。

 

今天前表嫂和她媽媽路過﹐聽了很多很Positive的話。很爽。

 

可是﹐在這迷茫的夏夜。潮濕﹐悶熱﹐對著電腦一整天﹐什麼都沒做。車牌過期了﹐CFA也還卡在那裡沒看。看來﹐今年也沒什麼桃花可能性了==

天氣悶熱﹐困得失眠。繼續坐在電腦前面吸煙。開始有點想戒﹐升級成為SOCIAL SMOKER吧。

 

很適合思考的時間﹐決定應該再從新DEFINE一下自己的世界觀。似乎從小都很排斥主流社會的生活。可是又期待的感受公式化的人生。最近發現﹐一直以來只是在SELF-DENIEL而已。畢竟﹐排斥的只是不接受自己的部份。獅子座的天性吧。還是同一個人。風水學的角度來說﹐自來貓的出現﹐意味著屋主的孤僻和高傲。是人際關係出現問題的開始。不過已經不是很在乎了。習慣了孤獨以後﹐已經不能再接受一個不屬於自己世界的生活。到底在等待什麼﹐連自己都不知道。算了﹐還是睡覺了。不然M又會說JASON IS ALWAYS PMSING。

 

車牌將會在星期天過期。得在星期六前解決掉。==這次得弄長STICKER PHOTO QUALITY的相片﹐不然又得藏個兩三年....

低谷心情開始恢復。吃著大可以的椒鹽魚。我覺得﹐嗯﹐那個﹐最近胖了。-_-'老子的衣服到了﹐然後發現﹐SIZE居然有點小。意大利的LARGE還真是夠LARGE。但是心情還是很好﹐吸煙看著Wikipedia.發現上面居然有帶讀音的山海經動物列表。很可愛呢。如果小貓留下來﹐還是把那個難念的日本名字換了﹐該個荒洪凶獸類型的名字吧。

睡覺﹐開著車子﹐在ANZAC BRIDGE上聽著四週車子喇叭的聲音。一晚上沒睡﹐外面下著雨。狂歡後的早晨﹐CITY很安靜。大街被雨水沖洗過以後﹐只留下了少許疲倦的痕跡。

 

回家以後﹐很嚴肅的討論了貓的問題。似乎還是不能留下﹐還在考慮中。雖然覺得很荒謬﹐卻又本能的接受著這個想法。心裡很難受﹐但是又覺得無能為力。應該發生的事情﹐就必然會發生吧。以CREDIT DEBIT來說﹐我上輩子應該是個很壞的人呢。怎麼樣都好﹐還是得對家人負責。心理上的陰影是種很黑暗的折磨呢。

 

醒來。覺得嘴巴很苦澀。外面又開始下雨了。然後又莫名其妙的和朋友說話。然後說了很過份的東西。很後悔﹐可是發生了就是發生了。想做點什麼好像也太晚了。一直都是一個想什麼說什麼的人﹐可是真的從來沒有過惡意﹐開玩笑除外。不過往往善意話總被誤解。我是個很不會表達自己的人。往往說很多話﹐但從不涉及自己的想法。當談到總要事情的時候﹐就會開始完全不知道怎麼開始。然後連想說的事情也都忘記了。還是很抱歉﹐最終還是個失敗者吧。

 

雨越下越大了。貓還若無其事的在睡覺。朋友應該還是很生氣。

 

真是很不樂觀的一年呢。